Sherlock's Birthday
by MindOfDeduction
Summary: Sherlock has a birthday. And John is determined that he will celebrate it. Sherlock may comply, but his idea of a fun day out are a bit different to John's...  written from Sherlock's perspective
1. Chapter 1

_John's sat on the sofa. No breakfast or even a cup of tea. Kettle not boiling. Waiting for something. Sat awkwardly. Hiding something? Looked up at me when I walked in…_

"Ah. It's that day again."

"Yes Sherlock, it is." _Resignation. He already knows I won't enjoy it, yet still bothers. Following social norms is sooo dull._

"Don't bother. I'm not interested. And you know that."

"Sherlock, it's your birthday. You will celebrate it." _Ah, that voice, the look, he's annoyed with me again._

"Only once I've killed my brother in an imaginative way for telling you. Maybe I could frame you. Or Lestrade. I would frame Anderson but it'd be a little too obvious."

"Or you could thank him. You were hardly going to tell me."

"There was a reason for that."

_Mycroft likes birthdays no more than I do, why would he bother? Obviously he just wishes to annoy me, as usual. May prompt John into a surprise party for him… no, that would involve me pretending to like him and would make him worse than ever. Murder is soo much easier…_

"I've got you a present Sherlock, not that you care. Mrs Hudson has one too, she'll give it to you later, she's a bit busy right now." _Of course she is, she's making the cake for my 'surprise' party later. She really shouldn't have invited Donovan__** and**__ Anderson though, she should have asked John about that first._

"Ah, yes, the Royal London watch. With the black face. Available from all good stores for just £39.99."

"Go on then, I'll let you show off. It is your birthday after all…" _He would let me 'show off' as he puts it anyway, so why the excuse? Most likely embarassed about his inferior intellect, enjoys hearing mine more than he cares to admit. May as well indulge him._

"You knew I didn't have a watch but that I normally wear one, you saw me give my last one to Thompson, after he found Mr Gregson for me. The homeless network really is indispensable… Anyway, you knew I needed a new one. You also went out alone three days ago, whilst I was on a case, you wouldn't usually do that, you enjoy the cases too much. You came back with a smallish bag, which you tried to hide, unsuccessfully of course. That meant it must be my present. Then, when you handed it to me, you looked hopeful that I would like it, meaning you thought you'd actually chosen something I'd like, so it must have been something decent. A smallish package, decent, so reasonably expensive and therefore something you thought I needed, a watch. Now, the model. When we walked past the jewellers last week, you briefly glanced at one model in particular, but it wasn't the one you chose, it was too expensive. The Royal London was the one closest to your previous choice but at a reasonable price considering I am your flatmate, not family or romantically attached."

_Brilliant. Now he's gaping. Why is he always so predictably boring?_

"Fine, yes. All completely right. As usual." _He'd hoped to surprise me. In his tiny little brain forgetting that there was never any chance of that. _

"So, what do you want to do? And don't say nothing, you _are_ going to celebrate, whether you like it or not." _And now that determined look, there's not much chance of avoiding this without seriously injuring myself or him. If I'm going to have to comply I may as well make it fun…_


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thanks to everyone who's read this and the people who favourited it. This is actually my first fic so any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I'll try to keep updating regularly but I'm quite busy (although Sherlock does always seem to come before homework...) Anyway, that's enough from me, enjoy the story!**

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><p>"Why are we here Sherlock?"<p>

"You asked where I wanted to go, I told you." _He really should have known better. _

"I should have known better."

"Quiet. I need to think."  
><em>Now, how to best to annoy him? I could be childish, he always hated that about me. Or do something clever, make him think it was nothing to do with me, but he'll know I've been here, he always does. So, plain childish it is. But what? Ah, yes, of course. <em>

"Sherlock?" _He sounds wary, quite rightly too._ "What are you doing?"

"Just making life a little more interesting for my dear brother."

"His computer Sherlock? You'll never get into that, he deals with matters of national importance and all that... Sherlock, are you even listening?"

"Of course not John, your tedious warnings do not interest me. Now be quiet, I need to think."

_Mycroft. He wouldn't choose something obvious, as John said but I obviously already knew. Something only he would know. No, something that someone close to him could guess in an emergency. I'm the only one who could match his intellect. Therefore probably linked to a childhood event that only I knew about. His nickname? No, too easy. The observation game, he always used to beat me, he was seven years older, but there was that one time when I corrected him, it was her second husband, not her third… No, he thinks too highly of himself, he would have deliberately forgotten that. Sometime when he won a particularly good victory over me then. He stole some hydrochloric acid from one of m experiments without me noticing. He was so triumphant…  
>I'm in. Now then...<em>

"Seriously Sherlock, what are you doing?"

_He knows I've been in so he'll be expecting something. So if John does something tediously obvious he won't expect anything else. _

"I told you, I'm having some fun. It is my birthday, as you keep reminding me. Want to help?"

"Not really…"

"Of course you do. Sort those papers into piles according to which letter of my name they start with."

"Sherlock..."

"Just do it John. Or I will refuse to ever 'celebrate' my birthday again." _I will refuse anyway but he doesn't need to know that. _

"Fine. You're taking the blame though."

"Of course I am, you're too stupid to do anything vaguely interesting and Mycroft knows that."

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><p>"Ok, just...about...done."<p>

"Me too."

"What were you doing to his computer exactly?

_Do I tell him? Nah, it'll be far funnier for him to find out later. _"You'll find out."

"No point asking again, is there?"

"No." _Honestly, what an obviously boring question. _

"Are we going now?"

"Yes." _Obvious again._

"Oh, Sherlock, I found a letter there addressed to you. Here you go."

_Mycroft guessed I was going to be there. Or..._

"Thanks."

"You said thanks?"

"Shut up John."

_"Hello Sherlock. Seems I've found you again. I can always find you, but you'll never find me unless I want you to. Find me now. Our usual time. I would say guess who, but I think you know."_

"It's not...?"

"Of course it is John, even you can work that one out."

"You going to meet him?"

"Mm...what?"

"Are you going to meet him?"

"Probably not."

"Home then?"

"You go, I'll be there later."

"Sherlock, I'm not leaving you, not when he's found you."

"Just go John. Don't you and Mrs Hudson have a surprise party to prepare?"

"How...?"

"Oh come on John, it was obvious. The shopping, the fact none of my other 'acquaintances' have contacted me..."

"Fine. Go do whatever you want to do, I don't care. I'm going home."

_He's angry because I ruined his surprise. Again. He really should learn from his mistakes. But I had to get rid of him, there's no other way. _


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Sorry, it's a little short, but hopefully I should have the next bit up soon. It was great fun to write though, hope you enjoy it as much as I did.**

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><p>"Hi there Sherlock."<p>

"What do you want?" _Not that he's going to tell me._

"I just want to play Sherlock. You and me, playing our little games, like we always do. Except we both know that really they're my little games, and you're the one having to dance. Around and around to the never-ending music, the music that only I can control…"

"Why today, why now? You haven't so much as whispered in my direction for months, why now?"

"Come on Sherlock, surely you know the answer to that question. Or has John not reminded you enough times?"

"It's my birthday. Is this some sort of present then? It's a bit boring, I thought you could at least be a little more original."

"Patience, Sherlock, patience. Always so hasty, always rushing, why not just sit back sometimes and watch the world? It's very interesting. When you're dancing that is."

"I don't dance."

"Oh but you do Sherlock, you do. You're always dancing for me. Am I really that special?"

"You think I am because I let you think that. But don't ever make the mistake of thinking that I am really under your control, I always know what you are thinking, what you are going to do."

_So now he'll do something I wouldn't guess._

"BOO!" Didn't guess that, did you Sherlock?"

"Get to the point. What am I here for, apart from amusing you with your childish games?"

"I'm doing you a favour. You wouldn't want to be around while everyone else gets ready for your party, would you?"

_That would never be his reason. He's either forming some new elaborate plan or he's just bored. Probably bored, nothing can ever occupy him or me for long._

"I'd rather be there than here."

"I think they'll be ready by now, you can go if you like."

_He's had his fun, but this won't be the end of it._

"I may pop round with a present for you later Sherlock, I hope you like it."

"Depends on what it is."

"Sherlock, there is only one thing it ever could be."

_Only one thing. But what? Something to 'entertain' me. And not something nice. I'll figure it out later._

"Goodbye Sherlock, nice seeing you again."


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: This would have been up last night but my computer had other ideas. Afraid this is the end for this story, but I've enjoyed it and will be writing more, any prompts would be greatly appreciated, as I can never choose what to write about! Anyway, enjoy!**

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><p>'Sherlock, where are you?<br>John'

'Seriously, where?'

'Sherlock!'

'Ok, I'm sorry about before, getting all annoyed at you  
>and storming off, but I'm really worried now, please<br>don't do anything stupid without me there.'

'You really should learn to keep your deductions to  
>yourself though sometimes.'<p>

'Sherlock, please reply or I_ will _come and find you.'

'Last warning.'

_He would never be able to find me, he's stupid. Loyal and worried though, hasn't he got used to that? May be an idea to comply at least vaguely with the whole party idea or he may not speak to me for days, which would be exceedingly dull._

'Met Jim. Had an interesting conversation. Don't worry, I'm  
>still alive, I wouldn't risk death without my dear blogger by<br>my side. I'll be home soon. Tell Anderson to stop gaping at  
>Donovan's low neckline.<br>SH'

'Sherlock! You told me you weren't going to meet him!  
>Don't do anything like that to me ever again!'<p>

'And I'll leave you to tell him. :P'

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><p><em>Molly's face watching out the window. Goes back inside as soon as she sees me. So they are still going for the whole welcoming surprise entrance. Thrilling. May as well get it over with…<em>

"Happy birthday Sherlock!"

"…freak."

_Impressively well in unison. John made them practice. No, Molly did._

"Nice to see you too Sally. Second party of the night, I see you and Anderson have already had a very exciting private one."

_Looking quickly at each other and then away. Obvious discomfort. This could be fun after all…_

"Whereas you, Lestrade, haven't been to any social gathering for three months. By 'normal' standards, you need to get out more."

" 'You need to get out more.' Never thought I'd hear you say that."

"Copied it off John. He's said it to me more than once."

"It's true though."

"Shut up John."

"Now then, Molly. You look…nice tonight. Did you have a good day with your boyfriend? Tom, is it?" _That'll excite John._

"You never told us about this Molly, what's he like?"

"He's…um…nice. I like him."

"At least he's not gay this time."

"Sherlock!"

"Bit not good?"

"Very not good."

"And my dear brother. What brings you here, other than to annoy me?"

"I believe it is customary to celebrate the anniversary of someone's birth, especially when that someone is a close family member."

"Typed any important documents recently?"

"Very clever Sherlock, swapping the key signatures so that the letter I press is not the one that appears and I cannot type anything meaningful. Clever for a five year old child."

"You never type anything meaningful anyway."

"Sherlock, can you please not antagonise the guests before you've even got through the door?"

"John, can you please not force me to 'celebrate' my birthday?"

"Sherlock, dear, he's only being nice. Would you like something to eat?"

"No, not hungry."

"John's giving me that look, was that rude?"

"Yes Sherlock. Yes it was"

"I'd love something to eat Mrs Hudson. That cake you made earlier."

"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised you'd worked it out. I'll just go and get it for you, you enjoy yourself." _Why is no one used to the fact that I am capable of thinking?_

"Presents now or later?"

"Later, I already know what they all are anyway."

"Sherlock, could you be less…you?"

"No John, I couldn't."

"Sherlock, dear, there's someone at the door with something for you."

"I'll go get it for him, thanks Mrs Hudson."

_John's talking to someone, no one he knows, just a delivery person, no one important. Who would send something this time of night? Mycroft is already here._

"It's a box Sherlock, with a note attached. 'I promised you a present Sherlock, I would never go back on a promise. Enjoy!' "

_Moriarty. Of course._

"Thanks John."

"You said thanks, for the second time today."

"Shut up John."

"Sherlock, who is it?"

"It's Moriarty, he heard from him before, went off after him without me, I'm sticking close this time."

"I'll come too, you never know what will happen when Sherlock Holmes goes off on his own."

"I'm going out John, I'll be back later." _They'll follow anyway, not problematical this time, and I'll need a member of Scotland Yard present at the crime scene. Because that was all it could ever be, another puzzle for me to solve. At least I'm not bored any more._

**_THE END_**


End file.
